How to work on your marriage every day

Before I got married, people would often talk about how easy it was to become like roommates with your spouse rather than partners, passing each other like ships in the night. On an intellectual level, I believed them but since I wasn’t married yet, I had no idea how easy it was to fall into that trap.

When two young busy people join their lives, it can be really easy to keep your separate schedules because you’ll just see your husband/wife when you get home, right? Or you’re both exhausted from a long day of work so you plop on the couch and eat your dinners while mindlessly binging on the newest Netflix series. Don’t get me wrong: loving the same shows has been such a fun thing in our marriage but we have to be careful not to get to caught up in it.

I’m not even sure how we started this (pretty sure it was Travis’s idea) but when we get home from work, we try to sit on the couch for as little or as much time as we need to touch base and process events that happened throughout the day. We do talk throughout the day but it’s usually short, utilitarian conversations (“Can you stop and get bread?” “Did you pay the electric bill?”) Sitting on the couch gives us the opportunity to take a deep breath and re-acquaint with each other.

Is it a huge time commitment? Nope. Does it take a lot of effort? Sometimes. There are so many things constantly pulling for our attention but we make an effort to shut out the noise, even if it’s just for five minutes, to reconnect.

Now that I work from home, it’s even more important for me to draw the boundary line of when I close the door on the home office and transition out of worker bee mode. Our daily “couch time” is a lot like my relationship with coffee — I don’t necessarily feel a zillion times better each and every time (though sometimes I do!) but if I go without it too long, I feel the withdrawal.

Do you and your spouse have daily touch points? I’d love to challenge you to try some couch time! It doesn’t have to be anything monumental. Just a brief period of time with no phones and focusing on each other. Let me know how it goes!

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