It’s hard for me to believe that four years ago at this time, I was planning my own wedding. The experience was not exactly what I pictured or what wedding magazines make it out to be. Can we be honest for a second? Planning a wedding is hard. Most people I’ve talked to have not had the picture-perfect Pinterest planning experience but it seems like no one wants to talk about it. Well, today we’re going to get real about wedding planning.

Am I doing something wrong if wedding planning is more difficult and stressful than it is joyful?

Oh sweet girl, no no no. Even the most kind and gracious individuals have been thrown for loops when they start planning a huge event like a wedding. Why? Because people get involved.

Truth: Everyone wants to know how this event is going to be significant for them.

Our pastor told us that little nugget of wisdom while we were experiencing some turmoil and it really helped us frame how we interacted with friends and family members. Weddings are a big deal which is why people tend to get emotional about it. Reassure your loved ones that they are important and their presence on your day matters. Involve them in some decision-making so they feel included. Thank them for their time and support of your future marriage.

Truth: Think about how you want to remember yourself during this season a year or two from now.

Can I be honest? There were moments when I wanted to lash out and scream at the top of my lungs. Was a wedding really worth the stress? At the end of the day, we wanted to be married and certainly that could happen is we just eloped …

Yep, go ahead and throw out the “e” word. It’ll make you feel better. If that doesn’t help, go for a run, take a bath, or have a vent session with an impartial friend. Find a way to release your stress that does not include screaming matches or slammed doors. While I was engaged, I took a long walk with a dear coworker/friend of mine one day, and she told me about a friend of hers who recently posted on Facebook about regretting how horribly she had treated everyone on her wedding day instead of enjoying the fact that people took time and money to share in their celebration. She regretted it so much she wrote about it on social media on her one year anniversary. Oof.

It made me realize I didn’t want to look back and have those same feelings. I wanted to look back and see someone who rolled with the punches, who was gracious and kind, despite the circumstances, and who’s focus was on marrying their best friend — not ripped bridesmaids dresses or limp flowers.

Four years later, I can tell you those little things do not matter, even though we had some big things go wrong on our wedding day (a story for another time). What matters is the marriage covenant you’re creating with your husband in the presence of the people who love you most in the world.

If you’re feeling stressed out or just plain want to cry, I want you to know I hear you and I feel you. I remember being where you are. I wish I could take you out to coffee (or let’s be serious, WINE), hug you fiercely, and tell you it will all be OK. Because honestly, the moment you say “I do,” it’ll all melt away and the wedding plans won’t matter anymore. Your marriage will.